I call him Uyi. Victor to his friends. Julian Victor is the name/s we
gave him when he was born. Where can I even begin to describe this
beautiful creature that has been my source of pride and joy? I
continue to be amazed at the blessing in my life that is him. Happy
birthday, my dear, dear son! I love you with all myheart and I continue to thank God for the gift that is YOU!
I wrote this piece a while back. A remembrance and a prophecy?
When fear overcame the need
for kisses
Heart-stopping gasps muted
the
Phrases that might have led
To what, I know not and
will never
Really know.
Why expressing my truth
would scare me so
In the face of love… why the claiming of
Happiness makes me shiver
with fear?
Why hesitate at the edge of
sweetened
Promise? I know not.
And here at the end of a
journey, at the
Brink of a new path
I look back and hear the
echoes
Of muted moments.
Wooden school desks and
checkered uniforms
And skipping heartbeats at
the sight
Of his face, young
beautiful face.
Summer afternoons on cement
benches
Looking into eyes and
grasping at melting
Embers of my silent heart.
And more silences as years
passed
A child’s cry, a child’s
laughter
Covers up the vacuum carved
by words
Left unsaid. Even as love cloaked the pain of
Knowing, of bearing witness
to a forgotten past,
Silence held steadfast,
A moat lending more echoes
to
My fortress of silence.
Explosion and silence. Fire
and silence.
The words fail me. My heart’s truth muted by
My own ignorance. Endings and silence.
Hands and lips burn
unspoken words on his
Skin. I scream in the
silence of kisses.
Endings were never easy. I hear you from across crisp clear phone lines. But I find myself gripping the receiver pressed close to my ear. As if hearing would be aided by doing so, as if the connection would hold on to my clenched knuckles turning numb with the effort. I try to laugh and make you laugh, just as we have always done when times get real rough. But days later, the sounds fade and as I sit in silence, I feel sad. For you and the one you loved. For me and the ones I loved.
For what can we do after lights flashing the warning GAME OVER becomes undeniably clear and persistent?
